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Silence falls in ringing bells,
only white.
First in my series of haikus, which may or may not actually qualify as haikus. This one in the most likely to though. Many, many, many thanks to echo-si for helping me. Any more critiques... from anyone?
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:icondarkersideofthemoon:
DarkerSideoftheMoon Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2004   Photographer
pretty haiku. writting those confuses me, but i couldn't write a short poem even if my life depended on it! but reading them is another story. very pretty.
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:iconjl:
jl Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2004  Professional Writer
Wasn't aware of this kind of haiku- ignorant question: is it one? I only know the 5-7-5 type...

The trochaic metre is beautiful, as is the combination of words. Well, let's see: silence, falling, bells ringing, white- is it about snow? Please! :-)

Best regards
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:iconprincessnavi:
PrincessNAVI Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2004
Yeps! It's about snow. And on the subject of haikus, :userecho-si: replied to a similar question saying:
"On haiku: The Japanese language is so radically different from English that the 5-7-5 thing doesn't really...work in our language. So the ideas that the west utilize in Haiku are the idea of one breathe, nature & seasonal imagery & saying something profound.
^keen had a haiku contest a few months back & I got to read up on the form at that time.
Hope that helps!! "
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:iconjl:
jl Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2004  Professional Writer
All right, thank your!
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:iconecho-si:
echo-si Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2004   Writer
I'd almsot put a period at the end of the first line. It might take away from the haiku-quality, though. hmmm...

again with the experimenting, puts a :D on m'face ^_^
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:iconarkaizer:
Arkaizer Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2003   Writer
Hm, not sure if it "qualifies", but it does start a new poem that may sound good. :fuzzydemon:
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:iconprincessnavi:
PrincessNAVI Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2003
Hmmm.. I don't think I'm going to extend it much, just because that and it's two companions are simply experiments in a different sort of haiku (then the 5-7-5). I'm wondering if it can be given constructive surgery, and make it work near this length. And fuzzy demons are really cute.
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:iconarkaizer:
Arkaizer Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2003   Writer
Lol yeah, I like them fuzzy demons. Would you mind at all if I attempt to write a poem kinda off this? I'm just asking because I'm kind of at a road block now, so if you'd let me. That'd be great =D
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:iconprincessnavi:
PrincessNAVI Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2003
sure, it was really just hmmmm... what's the word... an experiment I guess. I wouldn't mind at all.
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:iconarkaizer:
Arkaizer Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2003   Writer
Okay thanks. :)
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:iconprincessnavi:
PrincessNAVI Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2003
oh... just send me a note when it's done. I'd like to see :D .
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:iconarkaizer:
Arkaizer Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2003   Writer
[link] Here I'll just give you a link. I hope it's... "decent" Well I'll let you decide. Tis just an experiment, I might add more.
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